So what IS keeping me from achieving my goals? I'll give you three answers actually: Money, Procrastination, and Insecurity.
Money. This part honestly should NOT be on this list of things that's keeping from reaching my goals. My day job leaves me with more than enough money to support my hobbies and interests and funding my goal of opening my etsy shop. So why is this on the list? I'm terrible with money. It seems like I've always lived paycheck to paycheck. If I have money left over after the bills are paid, instead of saving it like I know I should, I hop on over to Amazon and order something (or many somethings!)...then I wind up with next to nothing before I get paid again..wondering how that much money emptied out of my account so fast. I realize that this is a part of my life that is going to have to change if I ever expect to someday work for myself. I need to learn to live with less. I often use Parks & Rec as an excuse and am always telling myself to "Treat Yo Self!", but I end up over treating myself and it gets out of hand. I've sat down the other day and went over my bank statements for the last 6 months and was blown away by how much of my paychecks went to online orders and fast food. Gross! Of the many lifestyle changes that I feel I need to make, this is one of the big ones.
Procrastination. This is probably the largest flaw that I see in myself. I am a procrastinator. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem right? I'll say it again. I am a procrastinator. I always have been, and it's gotten me...well...not very far. I moved into this house in April, and I literally just now got around to unpacking boxes that are in my craft room/office. Seriously! That's what I spent Sunday doing. It felt great to get it done, but it took me forever and a day to finally tell myself to get off my ass and do it. Now I have half my room painted and things are starting to look a lot prettier in here! If I stopped procrastinating and started doing...I would have reached 99.9% of my goals years ago.
Insecurity. Uh oh. Not that ugly word! Over the past 5 years I've packed on about 50 pounds and it has really done a number on my confidence. I've always been a very shy person, and it's sometimes come off to others as insecure. I've never felt the way I feel now after gaining so much weight though. I haven't worn a swimsuit in years. My clothes are continuously getting smaller and smaller. I have less and less energy and have started noticing stretch marks in places I never ever in a million years thought I'd have them! I've gone from wearing a size 6 to a size 12. I hate going shopping. I hate being in any sort of social situation where I have to see someone I haven't seen in a long time. And I never share photos of myself on my blog. I've always wanted to do outfit photos, because I love dressing up and putting together cute outfits, but I always put it off because I don't feel confident in my body. I don't feel like ME anymore, and I hate that. Not only do I feel this way about my body, but I feel this way about a lot of things. I'm always comparing my projects to that of people who have inspired me. I finish something and get excited about accomplishing or creating something, and then I compare it to something someone else has done. I know I need to stop doing that and just be proud of myself for creating something.
I want to be successful. I want to be confident. And I want to reach my goals. There are obviously things that are standing in my way of reaching one goal or another, but nothing is permanent and there is always room for change. Writing this post has helped clear my mind and I should probably share more of these types of posts regularly.
Be sure and check out Elizabeth's post and read through some of the posts linked at the bottom! Inspiring stuff!
This IS a good post idea! I think I will have to do one myself. Yesterday I did 30 before 30, so this seems like a good followup. It'll be pretty similar to yours though, especially on the topic of insecurity. I'm really shy in person, and once I learned that my shyness has often been misinterpreted as snobbery or bitchiness, I became shy about being shy! Throw in a body I'm not super comfortable in, and... well, I want to live in a cave with my books and not come out, most days.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, this was a brave post, and you're right! Acknowledgement is the first step! Time for me to go do the same. :) And best of luck to you in overcoming all your weaknesses - from an outsiders perspective you already seem pretty awesome, so I'm sure you'll reach all your goals!
Awww, thank you so much!
DeleteI struggle with a lot of these same issues! The procrastination is the worst for me, and I honestly think that it's solidly linked to my insecurity. I put things off and avoid starting projects whose outcomes I'm unsure of. I'm so afraid of things turning out badly that I often won't even try. I'm slowly getting better at this, but it's definitely an uphill battle. Best of luck to you in trying to get these issues under control!
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderful post, I think in the perfect, polished world of blogs. Honesty isn't always something that is at the forefront, especially when it comes to how hard it is to balance work/blogging/running an online shop/ and sometimes comparing yourself to others. I totally get where you are coming from and I appreciate you putting your personal thoughts and struggles out in the open :)
ReplyDeleteOh girl... I totally understand. I think a lot of women struggle with all these issues. I too have gained weight over the last 3 years (do to illness) and have always been a rather tiny person but now I'm not. It is a huge blow to your confidence... and makes one sink further into depression. I've been working on myself over the last 8 months or so and have managed to drop a few but I still struggle with over eating and drinking (I love my wine). We are all a "work in progress" and I know you can get motivated once again. I love your blog by the way and I'm so glad I discovered it.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Taylor
http://www.nothingbutapigeon.com/